The summer after our college graduation I went backpacking
through Europe with my three closest friends. It was a run of seeing the major
cities, museums, and landmarks. It was basically a non-stop culture fest. After about 11 days of straight up culture,
we agreed for some lower brow entertainment on the day. There were would still be plenty of time to
enjoy architecture in Prague, Opera in Vienna, and the Renaissance in Italy,
but today it was Berlin Zoo time.
The Berlin Zoo, at least the Berlin Zoo in 2002, was not a
modern zoo. By that I mean, for the most
part there was no effort put into recreating the natural habitats of the
animals. It was just concrete and
bars. You could get within 3 feet of the
lions’ cage and if your arms were long enough physically put them in a cage
with multiple lions. The lions were also
inside of the building, so when they roared the entire building felt like it
was going to come down. A massive burst
of sound coming at you like a flood in a tunnel in an action movie, but instead
of running away from it you head straight in. My memory may be playing tricks
on me but the aquarium is also attached to the zoo and similarly the tanks are
all flat, old glass, which felt like it could and would crack with tap or a
flash induced charge by even a tiny fish.
We made our way outside to the more modern part of the
zoo. The habitats were a little more
natural but still not like most zoos where there are points that the animals
aren’t visible. We followed the signs to
what seemed to be the main attraction, the gorillas. There was a massive large statue of the zoo’s
most famous gorilla, Bobby. Bobby had
died a while back but there was either a descendant of his or another gorilla
that was also named Bobby as the new star.
The four of us walked up towards the railing shoulder to shoulder as
Chris says,
“Hi Bobby!”
Like strafing fire from a pillbox we are under attack! Shit.
Piles of shit. Gorilla handfuls of shit are being whipped at us like
fastballs out of a batting cage pitching machine. The four us leap and dodge roll in various
directions. It’s become every man for
himself and survival is the only thing that matters. I looked to my left and I see Chris who
greeted Bobby so sweetly, in a slow motion scream to the heavens. He had been hit and nothing was ever going to
be the same again. Passed Chris there
was a Grandmother pushing her grandson in a stroller. She ducked and covered until the fecal
assault let up. As soon as it was safe
she gave the gorilla what he deserved, a 70 year old middle finger.
Our battalion regrouped and decided that our honor needed
defending. Chris’ Green Lantern shirt
was now a Brown Lantern shirt and that simply wouldn’t stand. If the old lady could stand up to this bully,
four 22 year olds most certainly could… or at least to whatever degree wouldn’t
get us in any trouble since none of us spoke German and the idea of a German
jail as Americans on the day that America was playing Germany in the World Cup
made a Turkish prison seem like a luxury spa.
We spread out and resorted to the antics of third graders playing dodge ball.
Waving our arms, jumping around and most
importantly, name calling. That’s right,
yelling names at a gorilla in not only not its native tongue, but not even a
language that it hears with regularity.
Bobby’s surprise attack was his only successful move of the
afternoon. After that, victory was
certainly ours.
No comments:
Post a Comment